Katselet käyttäjää coranglaisman


Anteeksi, mut vain saan kirjoittaa suomeksi nyt. Ehkä myöhemmin käännän tästä englantiin. Nähdään.

Mulla on nyt liiiiiiiiian paaaaaaaaljon, jota mun tarvii tehdä. Kaikki on orkesterinkirjallisuus...ja mun väitöskirja! Mulla ei oo aikaa tekemään näitä...mut mun pitäähän!!!

Oma pää räjähtää pian...

Nyt mun pitäisi tehdä orkesterinkirjallisuudenprojekti...mutten voi. En saa kutsua tahtoni. Nyt vain istun tällä ja opin norja. Se ei oo, mitä mun pitää tehdä ny...mut se on kaikki, että haluan tehdä. :/


Okei. Nyt on aika tekemään kaikki. Mennään. Tehdään sen.


I never thought about this before, but I realized I certainly wouldn't mind being a pastor's husband.

More on this later.

Puhutteko norjaa? Har det bra?

I got the Norwegian textbook that I ordered aaaaaaaages ago today! (Must have taken a while to get out of Iceland). And I've been having fun with it tonight. There's just something about Norwegian that just feels...right. Like this is a language that I have to know how to speak. Chinese might be my father tongue, men norsk er mormålet mitt. :D

But anyway. I can't get too wrapped up in it now...I need to keep writing my thesis. I changed my topic ever so slightly (so now I'm writing about Sibelius and his relationship to the Finnish national movement), so I've been doing a little extra research. I will have to schedule time in my week starting tomorrow specifically for writing. I won't let this stand in the way of me getting the hell out of here.

Not that I really want to leave Moscow because I hate it, it's just that I'm super excited for Minneapolis. Like, completely stoked. I still have no idea where I'm going to live, though...and I think I need help looking, but I'm not really sure who or how to ask about it. Hmm.

It's bedtime. I need to go to church in the morning. No wait, I really really want to go. I haven't been to Emmanuel in a couple weeks (slept in one week, and then went to church in Missoula with Kevin last week). I want to see everyone tomorrow. I'm so glad I found Emmanuel, and I'm going to miss it a lot when I leave.

Eesti Laul 2012 - Live Blogging

So the show kicks off with Getter Jaani singing what I assume is a new single of hers, "NYC Taxi". The tune is actually pretty catchy, but I didn't really like the lyrics at all...kind of like how I still don't like "Rockefeller Street" as much as I could, but at least I could get into that one,

Loss Paranoias - "Valedetektor" - I do like how they're doing this. But...I don't support this for Baku. It's pleasant enough, but there's something about it that sounds about 20 years too old for the contest.

What is this interval act...? I thought I caught something about "real Estonian" or something but I'm not sure...and I'm totally confused. This looks like one of those things that would be funnier if I understood Estonian better.

And now Teele Viira, and "City Nights" - Not a fan of her stage show so far. Song's okay...but the swearing in English is going to be problematic, I think. And the biggest problem this song has: it really does sound like she's singing "deep in sodomy over and over again. Oh, I know that's not what she's actually singing, but that's what it sounds like, and she repeats it ooooover and over, and I can't get it out of my head. Can't take this song seriously at all. I like her voice, though.

Confusing interval act is confusing interval act. This isn't quite on the level of the first one, though. Man, I should really work on my Estonian some more...

Liis Lemsalu and "Made up my mind" - Here's a good entry. It's totally different from most Eurovision songs, I think. Pretty refreshing. And, another saxophone...not quite as epic as Epic Sax Guy from Moldova :) But a great touch anyway. I'd definitely listen to this, even if it's not the entry.

And we're with Piret Järvis for a little bit. Uhh...why is the guy from Tenfold Rabbit taking his temperature? And here we go again with the interval. I think I'm going to stop commenting on them unless something interesting turns up.

August Hunt - "Tantsulõvi" - Ew, his hair. And the lead is out of tune with the backing singer. Actually, I lied...the lead is singing out of tune, period. Not totally off, mind you, just out of tune. The dancing figured on the video screens remind me a little of Moldova in 2009. Honesty, I don't want this to pass to the superfinal.

Introducing the jury...the only one I recognize is Koit Toome. It'd be nice to get another Eurovision entry from him someday.

And LENNA! "Mina jään". One of my favorites to win. I like her dress. And this song, I love it very much. Sorry, I don't have much to say...I just hope this scores high at the very least.

POP Maniacs - "I don't know" - Yeah, I don't know. It's catchy, and it's got pyrotechnics to help win over the audience, I guess. But I feel lke this song doesn't really go anywhere. And someone's out of tune. Is that Teele Viira in there, or does it just look a lot like her?

Piret again, with Birgit and Liis. And...Piret is taking Liis's blood pressure...I really wish I understood more!

Traffic - "NASA" - This, I wasn't expecting to like. I'm not really sure what it is about it, but I really do like it. Maybe it's because the parallel octaves are ACTUALLY IN TUNE! (And the lead singer is rather attractive, but that's beside the point.) I don't know that I'd send them to Baku, but this is another one that I'd keep listening to.

Tenfold Rabbit - "Oblivion" - Okay, this song could be good. But the singer sounds like freaking Kermit the Frog! I can't stand to listen to him at all, and I kind of wonder how they made it to the final...actually, if you replace the lead singer, it'd be decent. It's almost done...only a little longer to survive...

Aaaand Birgit Õigemeel and Violina with "You're not alone" - Another one of my favorites to win. It's also just got that je ne sais quoi--there's just something about it that appeals to me and I don't know what it is. I'd love if this went to Baku for sure. :)

Piret again, taking someone else's blood pressure. I'd like to know what that is all about, even more than I'd like to know about what's going on in Kõige Õigem Eestlane.

Ott Lepland - "Kuula" - ABSOLUTELY one of my favorites. He stands out from the rest of the entries in the contest because this is completely different from every other song. It's a beauuutiful ballad and I feel like it could actually do very well in Baku. <3

And looks like televoting is going to start.

Interval act with someone and something to do with "Prostitute's Song"? Sounds pretty good I guess.

Jury votes. So far Lenna and Ott seem to be leading the board. Birgit is depressingly low...So at the end of the jury votes, the jury says Lenna and Ott to the superfinal. I can agree with that. Hopefully the televoters also think so. Around 30 seconds left until the end of televoting.

Public votes revealing. And, for the superfinal..........Lenna and Ott!!!!!!!! Now I really don't know who I want to win! I wish we could have both of them go, but of course we can't. Sadness. But if Estonia goes back to OGAE Second Change they definitely will know who to send!

10 more minutes of televoting...

And another interval act, "Rändaja Öhtulaul" if I caught the song's title. Kinda like it already. Didn't catch who this band is though.

Hääletus on lõppenud!

And so the results...I hate how these things are always drawn out for suspense...and I still have no idea which one I'd send because they're both sooooo good....and it's Ott Lepland! I feel bad for Lenna, I'd have cried too. But both songs and both singers are very, very good and they both deserved to win very much. Palju õnne, Ott ja Lenna!

Olen jo kyllästynyt odottamaan.

Not much new in my life.

Went in (finally!) for a counseling appointment to try and figure out how to deal with this depression and overwhelmingness stuff. It went really well, just sitting there and talking with the person (who happened to be the CTC director, so score!) let me figure out that I actually do know lots of ways to handle this already. I'm going to try a few things and then see her again in a couple weeks. I still don't feel 100% okay obviously, but seeing even just a glimmer of hope does wonders.

Lots of new stuff for grad school stuff. (Okay, so I lied about there not being much new. Oops.) University of Minnesota finally got back to me and said they accepted me. The morning after that, the professor that I want to study with e-mailed me and said that the school of music faculty scholarship committee was meeting soon and he gave me his "highest and strongest recommendation". Good news! I'm supposed to find out on or around March 1st. That day's come and gone. I'm trying not to get completely eaten up by anxiety and stress, but it's pretty hard. I really hope they'll get in touch with me next week.

Uh, that's all I've got right now. Maybe I did have less going on than I thought I did.

EDIT: I lied. Has anyone else bought a paid Dreamwidth account? Is it worth it? I let my LJ paid account run out because I haven't really been using LJ like I used to, but I'd be interested in giving it a spin here.
I'm falling into depression again. I can feel it. I think it's because I can't really deny any longer that I'm not in Helsinki. (Värttinä had a CD release concert for their new album that I was planning on going to, but that obviously didn't happen.) It feels really stupid to me that this is happening, but I can't ignore it. So that's what's happening in my life, and part of why I'm really quiet on comments lately, so sorry to any of you guys who are still reading me.

I have a few topics for serious posts in my mind, but right now I just want to prattle about Eurovision because it's a light topic and it'll take my mind off of other things.

Cut for embedded YouTube videosCollapse )


Goddamnit I don't want to live in this country anymore.

Miks on aina pitkää aikaa?

I'm just going to get this out there, almost every entry I post is going to start with an apology for not posting. (If my former LJers haven't noticed that already. :P)

Life has been craaaaazy. I just needed to find 10 credits worth of electives outside music to be able to graduate, so I'm taking an emergency response class (I get to be certified in CPR/First Aid/other stuff at the end) and French 101 and German 202. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself...je suis très fou! Vielleicht habe ich eine große Sprachelust. (Vain ehkä? Kaikki mun kaveria tietävät, että puhut liian paljon kieliä, koska tykkäät kielistä niin paljon!) Aha...anyway. It's been fun so far, and I guess it's not been too horrible, since I'm only continuing study in a language and learning one new one rather than trying to learn two new ones at the same time. (And I have a great advantage in French because I used to be pretty good at Spanish. On a side note, put me in a monolingually Spanish environment, I could probably function and get back to where I used to be with no problems.)

I'm in the Tri-Cities right now, playing a gig with the symphony again. They're doing a couple Ives pieces which I don't play on, and the overture to Candide, and then Shostakovich 5. They've got me playing contrabassoon like normal. And I am sooooooo excited for the Shostakovich! I didn't know it before I came to play this gig, but it is great stuff!

That's all I've got for now. It's late and I have a morning rehearsal to go to. Whoo!

Ollaan kaikki mukana yskinäiset...

Hope everyone had a good New Year's Eve/Day! :) I did for the most part.

I've just been thinking about things...if my plans hadn't fallen through, then I'd be in Seattle and waiting to get on a plane taking me to Suomi. I am definitely still sad that that isn't happening now. I spent at least 8 months getting myself ready for a big experience like that, only to find out at the very end that it just wasn't going to happen. But on the other hand, I think I've been given some pretty strong signs the whole way. I've been struggling with paperwork, communications, and finances the entire time just to try to make this happen. And then the last wave of expenses hit me: my accompanist's fee, my residence permit, and my plane ticket. The last two were really what killed me; I had been struggling all semester to be able to afford them, right up until the very, very, very last minute, and then I had unexpectedly large expenses for my accompanist and my plane ticket to my first grad school audition. There was just no way it was going to happen. I really do feel like God told me "not yet". But I still can't help feeling like I cheated myself out of something big.

I'm getting to a point where I'm a little tired of being single. There are things that are very nice about it to be sure, but I'm feeling the loneliness again. I keep thinking about the children that I want to have in the future, and the other father that those children are going to have. I know he's out there somewhere in the world, and I pray that I will find him. But it's more than clear by now that he's not here in or around Moscow. I love this place so much. But I can't wait to get out of here. It's almost time. I could just stay here for the foreseeable future. But I'll never move forward in life and keep growing up if I don't go somewhere with more opportunities for me. Even if that somewhere else is halfway across the country. I hope that wherever I go, the man that I seek may be there. (And the opportunities that I need, of course.)

On a lighter note: Igor Cukrov is one of the most attractive men. Ever.

(He recorded that song in Spanish as well.) He has a couple other songs that I've found that I just freakin' love. He's already super attractive, but he also has such a beautiful voice and his high notes are clear and wonderful...he makes me melt, I'm not gonna lie. Makes me wish I knew one of the South Slavic languages so I could understand.

Pieni keskeytys

Hey all, I'm keeping up with you guys. I know I owe some of you comments and such, but I'm just letting you know about the hiatus that I decided to take from Christmas Eve (oops, sorry I forgot to tell you!) until when I get back home tomorrow. So, in a few hours, I'll be back to catch up on reading and reply to comments.

Also, welcome to new followers! :D